Lady of Misrule @Lady@cat.family

« There was no easy way to hide his obvious erection, but Zelda gave no sign that she'd noticed it. She had indeed noticed, though, and there was a part of her that was screaming in her head at the sight. » screaming?

« When he was done he grabbed his korok-expanded bag » is that adjective necessary

« It had only been a few hours since they'd defeated the Calamity and seen each other again for the first time in a century when Link decided that they should stop at a small pool of water a little distance from the road and make camp for the night. »

1) this is a run·on sentence

2) which pool of water? canonically i’m pretty sure the nearest water source to where you end the game is the sacred ground ruins (where the knighting ceremony was held), but this doesn’t seem to be taking place there. there are pools around Mabe Village i guess but that also seems like it would have been notable? be specific here!

after i beat Breath of the Wild i wrote a quick oneshot of Link and Zelda fucking which wasn’t very good and also was one of my most popular fics on A·O·3, which i resented it for

anyway this fic is riffing on the same concept

i think i will give this story a 5/10 on blowjobs overall

there is a second blowjob !

the first one tried to do too much and failed at all of it but this one is probably passable

« She placed a single, soft kiss on his cheek, and then another on his lips. Then she sat up and took a deep breath. "Whoo!" she exhaled, "that was every bit as strenuous as the books indicated." Link's smile was curious. "Books?" "Well, the castle library isn't the only library I've ever spent time in. Urbosa had a quite extensive private one, and it was rather less...stuffy...than the material found in the castle library." » Zelda has scoured TWO libraries

(story claims link ejaculates way more than normal. sure, whatever, but I’LL have you know you can definitely get cum everywhere even when you’re only dealing with the “typical” 1 teaspoon)

« But her logical side was a tiny voice in the back of her head now, and though she was thinking clearly and, indeed, logically about it, she was also extremely horny. » correct

props for “people with penises” tho

« They indicated that most people with penises ejaculated about 4 milliliters of fluid at a time, 7 milliliters at most, and that it happened in a series of little spurts lasting a few seconds. » that’s 0.8 tsp to 1.4 tsp for the americans in the chat

do you think the librarians included it as a subject heading?? or did she just manage this all on her own??

« Zelda knew, of course, what "ejaculation" was. She had read all the books in the castle library about human reproduction, from the ones written for children just entering puberty to the detailed medical texts meant for doctors and researchers. They had included descriptions of the orgasm and its result, and even helpful illustrations in the case of the medical texts. » Zelda has crawled the library for every single book which mentions cum

i am not convinced the author has ever attempted the sex act being described to me right now

we have reached the part where they put “licked” in italics

that’s how you know it’s hot, the font change

this author writes pretty good dialogue which is a real shame because as soon as they started trying to fuck each other they stopped talking

leverage your strengths!!

« now Link made a noise, though this noise was one of shock. In response, Zelda simply kissed him harder, and that seemed to work » this does not work do not do this

woof woof woof bark

moaning is very human i haven’t heard many animals moan

what do fanfic authors think “animalistic” noises sound like? what kind of animal, do you think?