Lady of the Land @Lady@cat.family

3) is the person you get the gerudo outfit from in breath of the wild a girl

2) is sheik a girl

1) is dark samus a girl

today someone in a discord didn’t know these were the same character

i don’t expect people to have played ocarina of time (or hyrule warriors) but i usually expect people to at least know as much from smash bros

but then i remembered

they haven’t been the same character in smash bros for nearly a decade

the canonical zelda timeline was only introduced in LITERALLY THE PREVIOUS CONSOLE ZELDA GAME WHICH WAS A REBOOT OF THE ENTIRE FRANCHISE

people are still being like “breath of the wild is a complete reboot of the entire franchise” as though half of all zelda games aren’t complete reboots of the entire franchise

uhhhh 1/10

oh god seriously this counts?? smash bros harem X werewolf link and you had to have zelda give him a blowjob huh

2/10 blowjob. maybe 2.5? it was actually better than the surrounding prose but a little brief and mechanical about it

« She had long ago perfected how to work herself with her fingers and other insertables » any table can be an insertable if you believe in yourself

this is the least sexy undressing scene i have ever read

« Link gasped, nearly faltering. He could not believe his ears. The Princess felt… for him? » this sounds like an extreme reaction but actually that is 💯 on brand for link

in fairness i have now mentally replaced him with the link from Phantom Hourglass

you are not a good enough writer to swing a link that talks but has no lines of dialogue

this author just completely punting on the idea of actually coming up with things for link to say and just going “he said some things and they were very effective which shows he knows her super well”

if you're going to mention link walking in on zelda when she is nearly naked, the least you could do is try to sell it

i say this because this is the default mode of interaction for white people, and so the only way to foil it is to target your translation specifically at them

honestly if white people don’t horribly misunderstand your translation and populate it with their own pre·existing beliefs about the world, it probably isn’t very good

i don't care about the new mechanics where are the plot writeups

dating simulator

i think the part of the story which is not a blowjob is a little bit of a slog to get through and not very interesting so like. not exactly a rec regarding the fic as a whole but the author is not terrible at smut