this sequence of zelda sneaking around is nice but it would be nicer if she was dressed up like a sheikah boy

« Oh, if the court could see her now… such casual fraternization with the working class. Ha! »

oh no it turns out the working class is evil after all

« “Hundred and twenty rupees.” » cute but you know this is like a dollar right

in breath of the wild a bottle of fresh milk is 12 rupees so this bottle of alcohol is 10 milks in price

not gallons, to be clear. 10 single-serving bottles of milk

this is strong alcohol being served in tiny glasses so per serving it is definitely cheaper

« Link scooted forward in his seat, still snickering as he looked at her with curious amusement. “So [the Goron] was a boy? How can you tell?” » BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL BOYS, LINK

zelda is making fun of link for kissing a boy and i think this is homophobia??

« She felt exposed lying prone beneath him—vulnerable to his physical strength and the the strength of his desires. It elicited an unexpected arousal within her, to know she was in some small way at his mercy. But there was a freedom in that surrender—a freedom that promised pleasure and emancipation from pain; from responsibility and disappointment and frustration. She need only give herself to Link—to the whisper of his fingers and the demand of his tongue and the headiness of this moment, to receive her reward… » this doesn’t seem healthy

« A thought occurred to her, then. She had received, but she had not given; and was not a part of the experience driving your partner to their own pleasure, and getting to bear witness to such intimate exposure? » and @Satsuma calls *my* Zelda obnoxious

this chapter was almost entirely foreplay and honestly it was pretty skillful to be able to pull that off but you wouldn’t know from these constant failures of worldbuilding and characterization and poorly-thought-through tropes

for someone who just had sex zelda seems remarkably ignorant of how arousal works

« She’d only ever seen diagrams in books which made everything out to be very clinical and patently un-sexy » absolutely everyone agrees that Zelda was the type to go digging through medical manuals hoping to see pictures of cock

fandom is CONVINCED that zelda takes place in a time of victorian prudishness where people aren't just caring around ornamental phalluses as good luck charms but also in which scientists (a) are definitely drawing dicks and (b) trying their damnedest to make them unsexy

modern AU where zelda is like “i've only ever seen dick in those illustrations on wikipedia which demonstrate what fellatio looks like <https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Wiki-fellatio.svg>”

very surprised a Sex Injury did not just happen in this fanfic

5/10 blowjob by the way; the author is decently able to fake their way into readable smut but they couldn’t commit to the bit