Lady @Lady@cat.family

@Satsuma sure but that's just human nature

@Satsuma mastodon has been using polls like this for years lmao

@Satsuma i strongly contest the idea that tumblr did this first

@Satsuma i don't know what tumblr is did it have memes

all vanilla extract!

don’t floppy that copy

1/10 blowjob it was like ten seconds of fantasy barely even counts

« You’re beautiful too. I will admit I’ve only ever seen the male anatomy from science books, but you’re – you’re perfect. » just casually admitting that you read science books for the dick pics to your boyfriend

« Link gets a half hour to desperately will his erection away before Zelda calls him back. » somehow, this doesn’t mean “masturbate”

this author apparently thinks seeing someone in their underwear is Extremely Scandalous

2/10 blowjob and i’m being kind of arbitrary here

zelda fans love using the word “skyward” to describe the direction of Link’s dick

i can’t even be mad about it; canonically, Zelda WOULD be one to say « Your passion shows no bound. Please, release yourself from your prison so we can further our love. »

as the camera does a slow zoom in on Link’s crotch to make sure you understood the message

every one of these lines is exactly the type of terrible dialogue that Nintendo of America would absolutely have Zelda say

« After their extended kissing session, Link parted his mouth from Zelda’s and looked around in puzzlement.

“The Malice is still here,” he said.

Zelda’s gaze turned determined. “Then we must go further. With hatred this strong, we must counter with an even stronger act of love!” » NOW it is time to defeat the Calamity with the holy light of my vagina!!