Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
« Zelda had been educated in how the body works and she knew that men had erections in the morning. » key information clearly
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
this fic sure is leaning hard into the “Zelda and Link are technically related in all their incarnations after the first” for not being an incest fic
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
please note that this is a deliberate Choice; it is not explicit in canon that all Links are related by blood
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
or that Link and Zelda ever marry
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
« Of course Zelda’s education had included Hylian reproduction, and from what she had read from average length (though later on she’d figured said length might’ve been downplayed to accommodate smaller men), Link was quite above the curve. » why do you have to say it like this
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
can we get any biologists in the room to confirm or deny that biology manuals measure dick lengths while erect
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
« Her slender, elegant fingers wrapped around his shaft » actually can we pause and talk about zelda’s fingers for a bit
like, zelda’s hands are not small. she is taller than link, and all the formulas i can find correlating hand size and gender say that men are taller than women with the same hand size—i.e. have smaller hands than women of the same height
so like. yes zelda's fingers are slenderer than link's. but they're also LONGER
think about that
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
we still haven’t gotten to the blowjob
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
« Zelda herself had been busy as well, with her coronation being in two weeks » we’re just going to ignore the implication of the deaths of her parents
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
this is a Twilight Princess fic so her parents died like a year ago it’s fine
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
« Link didn’t envy her: running a kingdom is hard work. » has zelda ever once been shown doing this work
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
actually in the post-credits scene in Spirit Tracks she is shown doing some kind of work presumably because her underling turned out to be an evil demon bent on resurrecting a bigger evil demon who wanted to destroy Hyrule’s rail infrastructure and also take over the world
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
Spirit Tracks, or, Zelda learns the importance of hard work and not leaving your country’s infrastructure projects in the hands of demons from hell
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
« “You see, I’ve been in contact with someone you know very well.” Zelda showed Link a letter that was folded in half backwards, showing only the upper part. Looking at it Link recognized the handwriting of Mayor Bo asking how Link was doing and was immediately pulled from his musings. He looked at the princess again. “The two of us have been negotiating about the safety of Ordon, and we’ve reached the final steps of our diplomatic exchange. Now, to get to an arrangement we have to meet somewhere, and I believe that it is more likely to succeed if I were to visit him instead of him visiting me. Additionally, going there without a standard royal escort will be less beneficial than arriving more modestly. I’m there to help, not to conquer.” » holy shit this shitty fanfic just jumped several places higher in my ranking on account of this paragraph
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
recognizing the precarious position ordon is in as a protectorate but not proper province of hyrule after a war which hit them the hardest?? in MY zelink blowjob fic??
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
« The two of you are linked through fate and the Triforce, which is stronger than any bond of marriage either of you may engage in. » justifications for cuckoldry
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
« her breasts were the perfect middle ground between size and comfort, being attractive without being distracting » size and comfort……
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
« Zelda closed the curtains and gave Link a knowing smile. » but Link could not see it, for it was fucking dark
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
thank god for Zelda’s special princess training that allows Link to grind against her in a mating press
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
@Lady hot
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
@coriander “gender affects height more strongly than hand size so women on average have slightly longer fingers relative to their height than men” is information i did not need to know but am absolutely filing away for later
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
@Lady could definitely be useful some day
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
@Lady author wants us to know they aren’t giving Zelda back problems i guess????
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
@Satsuma see the thing is you could read this sentence either way
it could be that small tits are preferable aesthetically but big tits are more comfortable to rest your head against
or it could be that big tits are preferable aesthetically but small tits are more comfortable to do everyday tasks with
there's just no way of knowing
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
@Lady How are they related? This is something I have never picked up on
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
@coriander in the end of skyward sword demise issues a curse on zelda's descendants and also on future heroes, which is ambiguous as to whether it means link's literal descendants or just like reincarnations
if you take the first interpretation and also ship zelda and link as marrying at any point then that implies all future zeldas and links share that common ancestor
if you ship zelda and link as marrying in EVERY incarnation this gets kind of messy
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
@Lady ahhh I see, it's the "thinking too hard about it" school
This is actually kind of interesting tho, despite my snark
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
@coriander a lot of zelink authors are really into the idea of zelda and link remembering their past lives or the love between them being eternal which is great until you realize that in some cases it is literally "our grandparents fucked and now we're fucking isn't that cool"
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
@Lady Its definitely an interesting and potentially good choice for a ship if you don't make them literal genetic descendants of the other ones
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
@coriander yeah although honestly i prefer a lot of the pre-Skyward Sword fics where fans were making up their own reincarnation theories regarding Link and Zelda instead of just using Nintendo's one
but there's definitely some which do cool AtLA-style stuff where link or zelda or both like get counsel from their past lives and also grapple with like, whether they are cool with being Fated Partners or not
there's also an entirely separate school in the ZelGan club that view the reincarnation cycle as essentially a very long breakup between Hylia and Demise which can only be ended by them resolving their differences and getting back together
Zelda gives Link a blowjob (1)
this scene of zelda playing with link’s dick while he is sleeping is not as good as that other fic where zelda plays with link’s dick while he is sleeping