Lady of the Land @Lady@cat.family

you can write fairy tales without fairies in them it just makes you a tool

the reason why tolkien is considered the basis for all fantasy is because people infantilized the term “fairy tales”

Vah Naboris’s back is not broken, never has been broken, and considering it is not a beast of labour, would not be seen carrying straw

« The straw that broke Vah Naboris’s back » cute but you do realize this metaphor makes no sense right

🧟‍♀️💤

still upset that that fanfic referred to the Master Sword as a purple sword

no, THIS is a purple sword

yeah i still don’t have an answer for this one

now it’s time to read

THE REVIEWS

― V nice smut but also absolutely hilarious, a lil heartbreaking, and so well written. Second fic ever to nearly make me cry, but happy ending!! [rinaslily]

― Perfection do exist [Narvi_MARS]

― The only link/cargo pants fic I've found so far [Notarization]

― Mother of Smut this is good [Obsidiangst]

okay i have now finished the epic and critically‐acclaimed fanfiction ‘The Calamity of Link’s Cargo Shorts’

the ending was a lot of talking and me being frustrated about decisions regarding canon that nobody who follows me will understand, but trust me that it was very boring

goddammit we’re doing the “my sword remembers your past lives” trope in this one i guess

« At her shout, one of the horses outside makes a loud, disgruntled noise that cuts through the thin fabric of the tent. It's a noise of unambiguous disapproval. ❲…❳

“Sorry, I think Epona wants us to keep the noise down so they can sleep,” Link snickers, raising his eyebrows. “I guess you could say we’re… disturbing the *neigh*-bors.”

What. In. The. Holy. Hell »

« She was torn between the fact that Link is so restrained and silent in normal life and the fact that he’s by no means quiet when fighting or doing anything physical. And after Urbosa made a rather ribald comment about Link’s excessively loud grunts during a training session, Zelda couldn’t stop thinking about it. Since sex is a physical act, she hypothesized that while Link possesses the ability to keep quiet, he would not naturally be silent. » some truly stellar fan logic in this one

« “You don’t have to do that. You can be loud. I can kill anything that disturbs us.” »

« Not that she ever thinks about Link's choice of underwear, but if Zelda did happen to imagine what type of underwear Link wears, she’d probably conjure up something like garish heart-printed boxers.

Now that the accursed pants are banished to the corner of the tent, she learns that Link actually wears a tight type of boxer-briefs that seem to have had a love child with compression shorts. Which Zelda supposes makes sense given the necessity of Link having a full athletic range of motion. And the necessity of keeping his penis and testicles from flopping around while fighting and climbing or riding horses and his ridiculous motorcycle. » i am unsure whether i should be impressed by this author’s forethought into the utility of Link’s underwear choices

i was hoping that i wouldn’t have anything to say about Chapter 2

I WAS WRONG

there’s a Chapter 2

« In that moment, Zelda knows she’s made a grave tactical error. She should never have bet against the man who has a Bachelor’s of Science in goddamn Anatomy and Physiology, is ambidextrous, has greater mastery of his own body than anyone alive, is already gifted by literal goddesses at manipulating other’s body mechanics, and is blessed at doing everything and anything physical. And that was without even entering his innate love of eating things into the equation. »

« _Oh goddesses, I’m the peanut butter cup now,_ Zelda thinks. _Oh no oh no oh no–_ » i’m not even going to make the joke again you all know it by now

« Unbidden and unwanted, the buried memory of Link and the peanut butter cup slams into Zelda’s mind. Link’s habit of bringing snacks wherever he goes extends even to lectures, and one fateful, dark day during the middle of Quantum Mechanics 251b, he pulled out a single serving cup of peanut butter. But instead of doing anything dignified like using a fork or crackers to eat the peanut butter with, Link peeled back the foil, dipped his tongue in, and went to town. » oh my god