Lady of the Land @Lady@cat.family

this is a 4/10 blowjob which i hate because the writing is horrendous but it at least has some attempt at a structure to it

« After all they had only been married for a little over a week now and both had been virgins till then, however that one night changed everything. » they had sex

wow 3/10 blowjob it seemed to be going somewhere but was profoundly anticlimactic

trying to figure out what kind of relationship link and zelda have where he would intentionally twitch his dick “to mess with her”

« He twitched under her grasp, a movement that still kind of squicked her out. She remember being amused to no end when he demonstrated that he could make it twitch at will, she never knew if he was doing it intentionally to mess with her, or if it was a natural bodily reaction. » utterly fascinating internal dialogue here

« Although she had seen it countless times, the si[z]e of his cock always made her face turn bright red. » seems like a problem

« He was of average size » wait what

that said i am totally skimming this fic i do not care about your copypasta backstories

« Link noticed her attempt at muting the noise. “You know you don’t have to be quiet; we’re not in the castle.” The two were getting intimate in a little cottage that Link owned in Hateno Village. » i appreciate the gumption of waiting until they are in the middle of fucking to drop this detail

3/10 blowjob; author at least knows kind of what a dick is but threw in the towel on making fucking one interesting

« It was like steel wrapped in silk » this is not at all what it was like, no

« She really had no idea what she was doing, she was basically going off of instinct and what she had read in a book once over a hundred years ago. » is there any fanon more widespread than “Zelda read sex manuals as a teenager”

i do NOT believe that Link isn’t the sort of man who would appreciate having his tits chewed on

why doesn't zelda ever return the favour of Link chewing on her tits tho why is it always the other thing

not sure if this author is implying that Gerudo don’t know what lesbians are or not

« for the first time that night Zelda moaned » you literally described her moaning like 20 paragraphs ago

this is an extremely prolific ZeLink author so i’m sure we’ll hear from them again

i skimmed the rest of the fic to see if there was another blowjob

there wasn't but there was the phrase “the seam of her body”; have fun with that one

link asphyxia absolutely will hurt you even if you say “you won’t”

the author put a long psa at the end but still decided to write this in the fic

0/10 blowjob if it wasn't contextually implied i wouldn't even know that link had a dick

begging this author to stop speaking in metaphor and allusion and just describe what normal sex between these two looks like