Lady, EVOLVED 
zelda status
• got off the floating island
• rewound a falling block to get onto another floating island… and then had no way off. so i built a DOPE-ASS GLIDER with a FLAMETHROWER IN FRONT and somehow managed to launch it well enough to not die
• was killed by bokoblins; killed bokoblins
• befriended a dope-ass horse
• went south and a gerudo lady was like “maybe you want to go north”. i did not want to go north i wanted to go to the temple of time (hylian edition)
• made it to the temple of time and got a sidequest which sounded metal as fuck but not horse-friendly. retreated because it was a blood moon and i didn’t want to have to kill all the enemies in there again
• went to the dueling peaks stable and the BRIDGE WAS DOWN FUCK
• did a loooooong detour over a mountain and into the faron province. saw a giant whirlpool and what i assume is a gleeok on the great bridge in the distance
• FINALLY made it to Highland Stable and boarded my dope-ass horse who LOVES me now after we have suffered through so much together
• have not completed any shrines or spoken to any main quest characters since arrival on the surface. this is fine
zelda status
• i heard impa was doing some cool stuff so i went and visited her
• impa: “it's true we are high up in my balloon, but you can just float down with a paraglider” me:
• thankfully there was a river nearby and i just lept from the balloon into it
• went into the forgotten temple
• time to find all the geoglyphs!!
• marked them on my map, which of course is not filled out because i can’t get in the towers
• Journey Into Hebra
• found two geoglyphs but not the one i was looking for?? explored a bunch of caves
• finally found it
• hmm these rito folk need help i should assist them
• MURDEROUS BOUNCY BOATS
• (barely) made it to the top of the storm!! but i used up all my balloons and have no other means to get inside
• that’s right kids i still do not have a paraglider
• i will try again while saving a balloon tomorrow, i BET i can make it
• this would be a lot easier if i had rockets lmao
zelda status
i wish i had thought to capture a video of me actually getting up to that top platform because it was amazing but to give you an idea, it involved waiting for all five of the balloons attached to my wing to time out and detach, rewinding the wing to stabilize it, and then gliding under the platform and using ascend
zelda status
• i can beat the first half of colgera pretty easily but
• i think the only way to do the second without the paraglider might be to kill it all in one go in the time it takes to fall after the initial cutscene
zelda status
• beat the wind temple
• hopped around some stables and helped some folks
• encountered a satori under a tree
• met kilton and koltin
• got my first Great Fairy to come out of her flower
• got the next geoglyph
zelda status
• teleported to near the next geoglyph
• fuck i left my horse behind fuck fuck
• HORSE RESCUE MISSION
• met another Great Fairy
• got the next geoglyph
• okay now SURELY it is time to do the cool great plateau quest
• found a Yiga Hideout and fucked them up
• tossed the eyes in the holes!!
• WAIT FUCK NOW I HAVE TO CARRY THEM SOMEWHERE IN THE DEPTHS?!
• carefully carefully descended with a <del>balloon</del><ins>parachute</ins>
• well it’s a good thing i have so much glowy plant
• wait now i have GLOWY PANT
• duked it out with my best pal Master Kohga
• gerudo mines? convenient i was headed towards gerudo anyway
• broke like all of my bows whoops
• REPLACED THE EYES 👁️👁️👁️👁️
• empty bullet point to prevent this post from being local-only
zelda status
• pursued the yiga into the gerudo mines
• took on kohga again
• okay now i have to figure out how to get OUT of here
• (made it eventually)
• stopped by the yiga hideout in gerudo canyon but they wouldn't let me in, rude
• got more geoglyphs
• checked in on gerudo town since i’ve otherwise done all that i need to in that area
• everything is sand
• busted into gerudo town; tracked down the clothing store; got some SAND BOOTS and SNOW BOOTS which i have been sorely missing
• met up with riju and zapped some gibdos
re: zelda status
@Lady i play video games too “correctly” to have fun like this, i envy you
re: zelda status
@aescling correctly? i'm just doing the quests i care about first
re: zelda status
@Lady you don't have a paraglider even though you get it very early
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@aescling you only get it very early if you pursue the finding princess zelda quest which i don't care about yet
re: zelda status
@aescling it's not like i did a sequence break or anything; the zelda developers made a conscious decision to not give you the paraglider until after you get to the surface and complete this quest and i have decided to do different quests first
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@Lady i was using scare quotes but i am not one to skip what is obviously part of the total befur doing one of the main quests
re: zelda status
@aescling i just asked myself “what would Link do?” and at no point has the answer to that question been “go to Lookout Landing and talk to Purah”
he would go home to see if Zelda is there, then he would go find Impa, then he would research the geoglyphs
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@Lady you have no idea how many times i tried putting a carrot in the alter
you know, carrots. a fruit.
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@aescling there is a carrot right next to it so, understandable
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@Lady you can ....... just bomb it.........
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@aescling yeah it's made of ice you blow it up
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@aescling fire fruit also works but the blast radius is much smaller
re: zelda status
@Lady just learned that in early speedruns there was a paraglider-less colgera fight befur a way to skip it was found
also any% routing just does not pick up the paraglider apparently (but this itself is enabled by playing on older versions where some incredibly game-breaking bugs still work)
zelda status
• made it to my (and Zelda’s?? fucking tiny bed lmao) house
• did a bunch of things in hateno
• travelled up north to kakariko
• did a bunch of things there too
• there was a zonai hot air balloon contraption so i launched myself into the sky and then had to get very creative solving the shrine puzzle there
• SO MUCH “move the platform where you want it; move it back to you; use Rewind”
• finally tried doing a shrine on the surface and failed at it because it requires the paraglider which i STILL don’t have
• i do have lots of paraglider fabrics though
• rode my horse to dueling peaks stable FINALLY