my new years resolution for 2026 is to focus on my personal growth

one meter already...

i'm officially 10 meters taller than i was at the start of the year. 1.2x my normal height

the world does look a little smaller, but the change is gradual enough that it's hard to really notice unless i really pay attention to it. there's not that much you can see over at 60m that you can't at 50m

the main way i'm feeling it now is in my hind paws. they're well over a meter longer than before, from about 6 meters to more than 7. that's easier to tell because i have cars and stuff as easy comparisons. i'm also finding that, while i'm not doing a lot of walking right now because of my bad leg, when i do i'm taking up noticeably more space:

i used to be able to walk on the road and place a paw on a single lane; a paw was wider than a lane but not by very much, and if i centered myself in the lane then i was barely over the line on each side. now if i try that i'm like 65cm over on each side and effectively blocking 3 lanes, so it's better to stand between 2 so they're the only ones i take up

at my size, 10 meters of growth isn't all that much, but already having to change my habits a little bit has got me a little nervous. it's only january 5, after all. and if this is how it's going to be for the year then... i guess we'll have to wait and see what happens

nervous and excited, of course, but nervous nonetheless

thought i'd check in again since, as a birthday present from the universe, i've hit another 10 meter milestone. i now stand over 70m tall

it's... really nice. creeping up to (and past) the height of the apartment buildings and offices around here is really driving home how big i am. in fact, if you include my ears (which i usually don't) there are only 15 buildings in my city still taller than me, and they're already feeling closer and closer. it's been hard not to think about how just standing up and existing at my full height rivals years and years of architectural and engineering work. so much time and money and effort that goes into creating structures that are smaller than i just, am

and the buildings that aren't designed specifically to be huge are almost disappearing below me. obviously i'm still watching my step, i'm not endangering anyone, but a lot of single-story places don't even reach my ankle anymore. these places that could easily be homes for most people, that you could fit entire lives inside, don't even feel like children's toys. they feel too small for a child to play with. like i couldn't even fit a doll. it's hard to maintain perspective, to remember what it was like to casually walk into, say, a store. but when i can do it, the contrast is dizzying, and i can't get enough of it

and to think, it's still the first third of january. i have been thinking; the first 10 meters of growth took around 5ish days, and the next 10 took another 5ish days. so some very rough back-of-the-envelope math says that if this keeps up all year, i could be most of the way to a kilometer tall by the end of it. just thinking about that puts butterflies in my stomach. i almost can't wait, but i don't want to spend too much time looking ahead; i want to enjoy the journey too

not a whole lot to say since my last update was only two days ago but i did want to post that since midnight today, i've reached the milestones of

- 75 meters tall
- 1.5x my normal height
- 250 feet tall

so it's been a big day :3

my tail is also longer than my normal height, now, but that's actually the same milestone as "1.5x my normal height" because it's 2/3rds as long as i am

it's fun to look down at the streets and see all the people as tall as like, AA batteries, walking around. it's even more fun when my perspective snaps into place and i realize that's not true, it's just hard to even conceptualize how big i've gotten so i think of it as other people being small. forcing myself out of that mindset is like a jolt to the brain and i love it every time hehe

technically an "overdue" update based on, having been writing them at 10 meter increments. i reached 80 meters tall yesterday, on the 12th. didn't post because i didn't expect that i was going to get there; i only hit 75 meters on the 11th. that said, now that i'm looking (there are people tracking this, of course) i can see that it was almost 40 hours between those milestones. still: 75m one day and 80m the next. it feels like an error, but here i am standing 83m tall today

i know i've put a weird amount of emphasis on the width of my paws in these posts when that's not really something anyone cares about. but right now, for me, that's the primary measurement that determines how i can interact with the world. last time i brought it up i said each hind paw was wide enough that i couldn't get away with fitting it in one lane. well, now each one fills two lanes

in fact. hang on for a second, this ends up being relevant: someone from some news organization wanted a photo of me to include alongside a story and i figured, why not, i've got nothing else going on. so they took me out to a quiet area for the shoot (well, really, i took them out. i offered to carry them because even with my bad leg, i'm so much faster than, everything, really)

they wanted me standing in the street, for some sense of scale in the picture. so i obliged, one paw in front of the other the way i usually do. but that's not what they wanted. they're trying to emphasize how big i am, right? that's the story. so i move my legs, i tuck my paws beside each other like i'm standing at attention

and you know where this is going. you can do the math. 2 + 2 is 4, i'm about to say that i took up four lanes

you're right, i did. but it was a four lane street. two for traveling each way, north and south. the entire street was blocked, completely unusable because i was standing in it. and it was different

i've been too big for vehicles for a long time. i've been too big for architecture. i'm used to that. but i wasn't used to this. i walk among traffic, i get places alongside the commuters. i have to do it differently from them because of my size but i do it, i use the roads. but while the photographer happily snapped pictures of me towering over the world, it made me really reckon with being too big for infrastructure. i can still get away with it, i can still tight-rope walk down two lanes at a time, but it's a compromise. i'm going out of my way to be smaller, i'm supposed to take up twice that. i'm supposed to be too big for even roads to reasonably handle. and the way this year is going, i don't know how much longer i'll be able to make that compromise

i'm worried that it sounds like i'm telling this story from a place of fear and anxiety. no, when i stood in that street with my paws barely supported and this all came to me at once, i was so excited i thought i was going to pass out

my hind paws are 10 meters long. my ears are almost 12 and a half. my ankles are 4 meters off the ground and my knees are 22. but who cares? does that mean anything to you? it's just numbers. i've outgrown another way that the world is built to be used, and that's what i care about

well. 90 meters.

i honestly don't know how meaningful it is for me to post an update every 10 meters anymore. for one thing, when you're 90 meters tall, 10 meters just isn't that much. i mean, my paws are longer than 10 meters. it'd be like a normal sized person making a big occasion out of 20cm of growth. which, when you put it that way, actually is a lot! but when it's something you're making a habit of, and everything else is already so small, the difference just isn't that meaningful. someone 180cm tall and someone 200cm tall share about the same subjective experience of a dollhouse

and for another thing. these 10 meter milestones seem to be arriving faster. i wasn't sure so i went back and checked; it took me five days to grow 10 meters the first time, and now i'm doing it in three. so something's definitely up. but don't worry! i'm sure it'll be fine. i'm not worried. i mean, we are only halfway through january, and i expect to keep this up all year. but. i'm not worried ahahaha. so don't worry..!

anyway. maybe i'll start spacing out these posts a little more than "every 10 meters" pretty soon. probably not for the next one, though; that'll be 100 meters, and that's one i have to celebrate :3

i was supposed to post this yesterday but i was busy. better late than never, so here it is:

happy 100 meters! 🥳

obviously something of a milestone because, i mean, it's 100. that's a nice number. but also, before this whole thing, i was a hair over 50 meters tall. so just two hours after growing to be 100 meters, i reached twice my normal size

it's odd, you know? from 50 to 60 it wasn't too much different. 60 to 70, 70 to 80... all the 10 meter milestones were pretty mild. sure, there were things i noticed. and obviously i found it very exciting because, of course i did, i'm growing! but in the grand scheme of things, i was already 50 meters tall. 10 meters is a lot but it's not that much

but right now i'm not comparing to "10 meters ago". being twice my starting height is giving me cause to compare to 50 meters ago. i can kind of forget about how it felt in between and just remember what it was like before january started

being 50 meters tall is already huge. it's easy to lose sight of that. most people are less than 2 meters tall, and most of them spent some time being terrified of me after my initial growth. i can't blame them! when a girl who's nearly 10 times the size you expect her to be bursts out the front of a building, demolishing the entrance as she desparately tries to crawl through it, and she keeps getting bigger and bigger before your eyes until she could take out the rest of the building with her paw in a single step, obviously that'd freak most people out a little bit. i was already so big that i was almost incomprehensible. i was impossibly huge. and i wouldn't even come up to my own hip now

i already towered over most of the city. if i close my eyes and think back to it, i can still imagine the buildings that rose as high as my legs. when i open my eyes, they barely reach my knees, and the ones that i used to have to stand on my toes to see over have taken their place

my paws are as long as semitruck trailers, and more than three times as wide. that's a nice and visceral comparison for me, someone who used to work at walmart. i would have never imagined that even a month ago

it's exhilarating. there's just nothing like it. reliving all of this to try and write a post is making my heart race and my breath short. i feel like i can't even string my thoughts together coherently. i'm so big i can't even think straight

and i can feel it. i'm constantly growing and i can feel it happen. i've been able to for a little bit, it's subtle but it's definitely there if i try to notice it. there's a line drawn between the part of the universe that is me and the part that isn't, and it feels like it's burning away. it tingles as the line pushes forwards, as the portion of the universe that isn't part of my body gets eaten away. i can feel it most at my very extremities; the ends of my paws, the tips of my ears. but it's everywhere. every part of me is always, always pushing back against the rest of existence, and i'm always winning. it's a weak feeling but it's always there. and over the last couple weeks, it's only gotten stronger

and it's only january. it's still only january. i have to take deep breaths, i have to control myself somehow or i'll lose myself thinking about what might be coming next for me. it's only january

...anyway. last night i damaged the soccer field. i've been sleeping there for a long time now, not for any real reason, it's just a nice little marked-off area that was always more than big enough for me. this morning i woke up with my head resting against one goal and the other one bent over. i guess i'd kicked at it while i slept. i bent it back into place as best as i could, and i guess i'll be staying somewhere more open tonight. having yet another thing i've grown too big for has been on my mind today

and it's only january

greetings from beautiful "128 and a half meters tall"

i'll definitely hit 130m today, actually. and my first instinct was to wait until then before i posted. numbers that end in 0 are nice milestones. but i couldn't wait that long, i'm too excited about a closer-to-home milestone: the tallest building in my city is 127m tall. i've lived here my whole life and now i'm the tallest, anything within city limits. it's one thing to be part of the skyline, it's another to outgrow it

before i was cheating when i compared against buildings by counting my ears. i don't have to anymore, i can hold them down with my paws and i'm still the biggest thing here

for reference, i'm also just about as tall as the great pyramid of giza, apparently. i've never seen it in person myself, i've just been spending a lot of time recently looking up how big things are ;3 so if you know how tall that is, it'll give you a sense of scale

every time i take a casual step, it's supposed to be about as long as i was tall back in december, a hair over 50 meters. i say "supposed to be" because, again, my leg is still recovering. i just did the math with an average stride length compared to height, and being a little over 2.5 times as tall as i was, that's how long my steps would supposedly be haha

for a physical comparison that i can actually detect, my ankle is just about as high up as the tops of two-story buildings. it wasn't that long ago that it was barely one story off the ground, but i guess i'm twice as tall as i was then. and even now, the way i'm saying "barely one story off the ground"... it's my ankle. that's ridiculous. that's so fucking big, and i'm twice as big now

i have to put some amount of effort into not letting any of this feel "normal". don't get me wrong, when 50m was my normal, it was still really fun. but for as long as i'm actively growing, i want to enjoy the novelty of every new size as much as i can

actually, i just looked again. when i laid down to write this post and started thinking about what i wanted to say, it was about 40 minutes ago (it's been a long time because i got distracted partway through. i was thinking about being really big). i was 128.50 meters tall. i don't have any more significant digits than that but that's exactly what it said. as of just now, it says 128.66

greetings from beautiful "128 and two thirds meters tall"

it's normal for glaceons to be 200 meters tall, right?

it's normal for them to get 150m taller in a month and change?

...can we agree this is starting to get silly?

it's getting harder and harder to find places to be. where do you stand when each of your paws are the size of blue whales? when you're 265 meters tall, when you're comically large, city planners don't design places for you to put yourself. every step from point A to B feels like a puzzle, stepping in parks and parking lots, avoiding as much damage as i can. it's not too bad; my natural walking stride is more than 100 meters long now, and even with my bad leg (fortunately it's getting a lot better) i can push that a lot more to find a safe place to rest. not a lot of places to put a 30 meter paw, but with that range, i can find enough

i took another trip out to see the building i was talking about a couple weeks ago, the tallest one in my city. it really hasn't been that long since i was excited about outgrowing it. and i knew i was twice as tall as it. i know how tall it is, i know how tall i am, i can do basic math. i knew. but i went and saw it today. and it's so different. i can't even find the words; they should have sent a poet. i wanted to write these updates as i got bigger this year to try to convey what it was like, but i'm worried that words just can't do it. it's like the city is disappearing below me bit by bit

every single day i'm getting almost 11 meters taller. every day, more than 35 feet. no one else is even 35 feet tall, it's an impossible size, it's ridiculous enough on its own. and every single day i'm getting that much bigger. my heart is pounding thinking about it. as if being this big wasn't enough, it's not stopping

in fact, i've been thinking about how much bigger i've gotten in the last 40 or so days. i was 50 meters tall in december. if i met myself from them, now, she wouldn't even reach my knee. she'd look like a, fucking, bowling pin. and i was already so big! i was one girl the size of the niagara falls, reduced to looking 15 inches high. nobody else looks much more than half an inch from up here. in fact, i've been fielding a lot of requests from friends to get picked up, which i've been carefully obliging. and i realized a while ago that i don't even feel it anymore. not the emotional high, i still get that, but physically nobody weighs enough to register anymore. i'm strong enough now that it takes 5000 pounds to feel like a gram (i had to calculate that, i don't know what a gram feels like with enough precision to be sure. but having picked up various cars, it certainly seems reasonable). i'm starting to be too big to be even affected by the world

i said a while ago that a quick, back-of-the envelope calculation indicated i'd end up being most of a kilometer tall by the end of the year. well, i'm not there yet, but i'm a quarter of a kilometer tall and we're less than halfway through februrary. i'm starting to suspect that that original number was wrong. if i calculate it the same way with my current size and the current time, i get

50.16 + ((265.24-50.16) * (365/(41 + 15.5/24))) = 1935.203...

almost two kilometers. that's already ridiculous, it's impossible to even imagine. but that assumes i grow at the same speed all year, and that's very clearly not true. it's obviously getting faster. i only grew 2 meters throughout january 1st, and now it's 11 meters a day. so i get the impression that i'm going to be much, much bigger... i can't wait

every day the pokedex looks a little sillier for saying glaceons are 80 cm tall, huh?

(that's a joke, you don't need to tell me that the measurements in the 'dex are officially a median, i know, it's a jooooke)

i'm more than 350 meters tall now, which is certainly a jump from when i checked in a week ago. 85 meters in seven days is a lot for someone who's used to being 50 meters tall. it took me like three and a half weeks to grow 85 meters from the start of the year, so the growth is definitely ramping up

but what's funny is that it doesn't feel like it, really. i'm growing faster and faster but i'm big enough that it almost hides the speed from me. i'm getting very close to a centimeter taller every minute, now, which would be a lot if i was smaller. getting a meter taller every 100 minutes is a hell of a lot for people who are only about 2 meters tall. even if i was growing this fast when i was 50 meters tall, it would have been impossible to ignore; on january 1st i grew a meter taller in twelve hours. but now, being seven times taller than that? a meter every ~hour and a half feels about the same as that first meter over 12 hours. it's not something i can notice in the moment, i have to compare to memories of how big i know i was

i still feel it. i'm aware of the constant burning away of boundaries of my body, eating into the space around me, and it only gets stronger as my growth gets faster. but the actual increase in size itself isn't something i can notice in real time

all day i've been reaching up with a paw and batting at my own ear, unconsciously. almost like a stim. i've been thinking about how last year, when i was huge, when i was bigger than the tallest human in the world by a factor of 20, i was still smaller than my ear is now. the part of myself that i don't even count in my height because it feels like cheating is as big as i used to be. ...as long as you don't count my ears. in fact, all the smallest parts of me are, of course, getting bigger alongside me, even things i wouldn't have thought of. i was informed today that each of my furs has a diameter of more than half a centimeter. you never even think of furs having a diameter, in practical terms they're almost one dimensional. but if you look close enough, they're made of matter and have thickness, and i'm big enough for mine to be measured in normal units. glaceon fur is a fair amount finer than human hair is, so i don't know if there's a good way for someone who's not familiar with the texture of my fur to get any useful sense of scale from that, but i did think it was interesting

i'm big enough to block a highway with the width of one paw, now. if i tried to take the freeway now the way i used to, walking like it's a tightrope, i'd still juuust fit. i've talked before about blocking the streets doing that, which was true. but now i'd block eight lanes, even the wider ones they use at speed, and "four lanes each way" is a pretty normal number to see around here, so i'd be turning off an entire freeway in both directions. i'd also completely destroy the median; normally all 700,000 metric tons of my weight get distributed over the extremely large surface area of my paw, but the median's not flat, so it'd take the entire brunt of it until it is. although, now that i think about it, the space between the two directions of the road is pretty wide, and my paws are only a little more than seven lanes wide. so if i was careful i could probably leave one lane open in one direction to let cars get by me. but be honest: if you saw a girl with paws that big, casually walking at 900 kilometers an hour and smashing infrastructure into nonexistance beneath her, would you try to drive the one lane that's not in her way?

...thinking about destroying the infrastructure like that did make me sad, actually. but it was only a hypothetical. and tbh, if i'm going to keep growing like this, i'm going to have to figure out what to do about that eventually

i mentioned this a few times now but i want to say it again. on the 9th of january this year i did some very rough math and determined that i could find myself standing "most of the way to a kilometer tall". since then i've realized that the math was flawed, of course, but i remember what it felt like to punch in those numbers and see what answer got spat back out at me. i was breathless. it seemed so impossible, like surely i'd made an error typing it in. 50 meters is already a ridiculous size to be, it's already absurd beyond any kind of believability. and not only was i leaving that behind, i was going to be more than 10 times bigger

today, on februrary 27th, i reached more than half a kilometer tall

it's so hard to keep my perspective. it seemed like so much at the time, and it really was, but actually getting to this size over time kind of denied me the opportunity to ever be surprised by it. i'm only a little bigger than yesterday, and then i was only a little bigger than the day before, but does it ever add up

i'm spending less and less time in the city now. i stay nearby, but it's so hard to find places to safely be. sports fields used to be a great bet. soccer, football, whatever. if they weren't being used i could almost always rest there. before all this started, i usually slept in one. now, one paw is more than half as long as a football field, and far too wide to fit my other one beside it. the world was just not made for me. why would it have been?

i haven't talked much about how flat the world seems from up here. not in a "flat earth" way obviously. what i mean is that being this big, the differences in size of everything else mean so much less. when someone who's the size that cities were designed for sees buildings of different sizes, they're so distinct. when it's possible for you to go inside, a 1 story building serves such a different role than a 3 story building does

but to me, if i'm not downtown, if i'm looking at a more residential area? it's like a bunch of lego bricks were strewn around. that's how it feels. a huge pile of lego just dumped onto the floor and spread out. a bunch of them are single bricks, most of them are stacked two high, sometimes there are three stacked together. and if i'm bent down looking at them, admiring them, it's obvious. but if i'm looking forward, just going about my day, there's no reason for me to even notice. it's just lego bricks on the floor. more and more i'm approaching a point more extreme than that, where it looks like a printed out image of a city glued onto the ground. the variance in height will mean nothing at all

there are, of course, still buildings taller than me. not in my city anymore, but i can see one just across the lake from here, not far away. the cn tower still has an edge over me, just by a little bit. but if i'm this big by the end of februray, i have no doubt that it won't be all that long until it's part of the picture, too. printed out, glued to the floor, any volume it might have so meaningless to me that i abstract it away

I'm not just getting big enough to outgrow cities. I'm getting big enough to lose my comprehension of how tall they really are

i don't know what step comes after that. i don't know what you experience after entire cities get conceptually flattened. but as fun as it's going to be to find out, i'm excited to enjoy this experience first

in the ten days since i last posted an update i have gotten 250 meters bigger

that's already a lot. but feels like even more when you realize that when i wrote that update i was 500 meters tall

i overtook the cn tower in that time without any real fanfare. at some point it was weirder that it was still taller than me; it was the only thing around that was. now i can just see over everything. not everything obviously, but everything that might realistically have been in my way. it's so hard to build anything to stand this tall, and i'm still only getting bigger

actually, i was curious, so i looked it up today. how many structures are there that are still taller than me? it turns out the answer is... one. i'm not that far away from outgrowing everything that's ever been engineered. it's a lot to think about

now that there's individual parts of my body that are catching up to sizes i remember being, i've started getting weird deja vu about it. i remember being as tall as the statue of liberty, that was a couple weeks into january. i was so excited about how big i was, even then. i've been reminded because that's how long my paws are, now.

i guess the thing is that i'm always big. i love being big but it's normal for me. but the prolonged sense of being bigger, where the comparisons are always changing and you can't stay too comfortable with your conception of your own size, is really

i typed "growing on me" and realized what i'd said before i deleted it. fuuuck that i'm not going there

...it feels good though. to be reminded of how fast this all really is. i'm huge, but it almost seems premature to celebrate that. i've still got almost 10 months to work on "huge". but "bigger" is already coming along

as of today i am, technically, the tallest manmade structure in the world

well, not this second i'm not. i'm sitting down. you don't measure structures like people, if we're calling me a "structure" then it's not really fair to assume "if it's standing up straight" or whatever. we don't say a strip mall is extremely tall because you could tip it on its side. so, if i'm standing up then i'm the tallest structure in the world. then again, if we're playing by those rules, you wouldn't just abitrarily exclude my ears the way i do when measuring myself as a person, so i guess it's been true for a while

whatever. i'm taller than the burj hkalifa. that's the important takeaway

this is, in a sense, the highest that civilization has ever reached. people climb mountains, but the ground came up into the sky with them. and there are airplanes and hot air balloons and whatever, but... at the end of the day you're just launching yourself into the air and slowing down your fall. nobody's ever been this far off the ground and stable before. the distinction is hard to describe but it feels important to me. i'm bigger than the entire history of architecture. nobody's ever engineered a way to stay standing up here. and i don't even have to do anything special; i stand with my paws on the ground, supported by the earth. that's enough to be the tallest thing ever made

i'm not really surprised that this happened. if you'd asked me if i'd get this big in very early january, i think my heart would have fluttered and i'd have said "oh, gee wilickers, maybe! wouldn't that be swell" or whatever. it wasn't out of the realm of possibility. but i'd never have guessed that i'd be 850 meters tall on march 12th. i have no idea what that could mean for the rest of the year. to be honest, if i knew back in december that this was in store for me, i don't know if i'd have gone through with it. but i'm glad i did. these first couple months have been so much fun, i can only imagine what it's going to be like looking back at sizes like this the same way i look back on being 50 meters tall

i don't know what the next milestone is going to be. i'm taller than the tallest building in the world, and just today my paws got longer than 100 meters so it's going to get harder to use the "length of a football field" comparison from here on out. i'm sure i'll think of something

by the way, i'm more than a kilometer tall now. so if you need something from someone who's more than a kilometer tall, let me know i guess

been weirdly nostalgic the last couple days and couldn't really pin down why, but i figured it out

before all this started, i was 50 meters tall. but before ALL THIS started, years ago, i was 2 meters tall. so i have fond memories of exploring the world and my relationship with it while being 25 times as big as i was used to

i think it will have been some time yesterday that i hit exactly another 25 times bigger, but it's been close for a few days. i've got a similar warped sense of scale as i did the first time this happened to me

it's almost unbelievable, right? for as big as 50 meters is, i've managed to get that big again. if you were 50 meters tall, i'd look 50 meters tall to you. you wouldn't reach my ankle, you'd be only a quarter as tall as one of my ears. and when i put it that way, it's kind of amazing that it's only taken me 81 days to get from there to here

which, actually, is another good way to frame it. if you knew me before january (or have any other good reference point for how big "50 meters tall" is), and you can imagine yourself that tall, that's how it feels for me. and if you can imagine that it's only taken you since january to get there, you can understand why i'm so excited for the rest of the year :3

now that i'm a kilometer and a half tall i'm thinking about how weird it is that "kilometer and a half" is the way i think of it

i don't think "1500 meters". that's still true, it's an accurate way to describe how big i've gotten, but it's not the one i find natural. at this point, and presumably going forward, i find myself reaching for measurements in kilometers

which is fucked up, right? maybe the impact is diminished (or, rather, spread out rather than hitting all at once) by how long i've been able to see it coming but there's something to that, i think. even when i was hundreds of meters tall, i was still being measured like a person. i was still some number of meters tall, there was a conceptual connection there. but you don't measure people in kilometers. you don't! there's no cause to! except, that's how you measure me now. i don't use the "person" units anymore, i have to use the units for lengths of roads, or the size of geographical features. i'm losing my connections to any idea of a normal size for a person to be. and of course i am! i left "normal size" behind years ago, any feelings of normality behind it were an illusion at best. now, having graduated out of even the units a person's body is measured in, i have an opportunity to shed the illusion. to really revel in it for once

the direction i'm taking this in isn't "now that i'm losing my connections to the rest of society i can start being destructive and cruel" or whatever. what i mean is that i am different, so why shouldn't i feel like it? why shouldn't i enjoy it, you know? every time a mental model for what "a person" is like breaks for me because skyscrapers rarely even reach my knees, that's fun! it feels really good, like a jolt to the brain to remind me of how much all this really is. not just since january, but for as long as i've been even 50 meters tall. the bigger i get, the less i fit in, the more exciting it is. and for now, with "buildings" exhausted as a category of things to outgrow, i'm getting a similar joy from "units". i wonder what it'll be next

i haven't posted about this in a couple of weeks. i'm more than twice as tall as last time, about 3.2 kilometers now. but it's a little weird because the experience is not that different from my perspective. when a human being looks 1mm tall, it feels very much the same as when a human being looks 2mm tall

but my effect on the world keeps increasing. it's unavoidable. i'm a force, and i must be reckoned with. i'm a fact that can't be ignored. last time i checked in, i weighed sixty billion kg. now i'm nearly six hundred billion kg. i would invite you to imagine that, to really sit with it, but it's a futile exercise. i can't imagine it, and it's me

the weight is spread out over a huge area, of course. i'm standing on paws that are each nearly the size of alcatraz island. it's a kilometer hike to walk around the outside of one of my paws. it feels like no amount of weight should be enough to be significant over that size but here i am, leaving deep pawprints everywhere. i feel bad about the damage but what can i do? other than stay out of populated areas, which i am doing, of course. but more and more it feels like i'm walking on foam. the ground just gives away like it was barely there. i'm powerless to not wield so much power

every minute i'm getting 9cm taller. a millimeter and a half every second. it feels silly at best to be thinking about millimeters at this size, but every second... it adds up. it's still adding up. even if the experience of my size hasn't changed significantly in a couple weeks, the experience of my growth never really goes away

it's kind of intoxicating to just lay here and count. one, two, three, four. one, two, three, four

i'm always one centimeter taller than i was four seconds ago

does 1cm mean anything to me? no, absolutely not. i'm 110 times taller than i was at the start of the year. i'm 2760 times taller than i was before any of the macro stuff, back when i formed my intuition for what units feel like

if something feels, to me, like a centimeter? that's more than 27 meters

and if something is a centimeter? it feels to me like it's half as long as a red blood cell

i looked that up, obviously. something can't feel "half as long as a red blood cell", that's what it would feel like if i could feel that. to me, the idea of "one centimeter" is almost meaningless. it's not a measurement that could possibly mean anything at all to me

but that's almost what is exciting about it. to me, it's a distance that's basically a joke. like it can't possibly mean anything. but not to you. to you, one centimeter is real. it's visceral. it's measurable. that's a real, genuine unit, useful in your daily life. and "four seconds" is a totally normal amount of time, too. you expect things to take four seconds, that's a completely reasonable duration. the speed at which i'm getting bigger is an everyday length over an everyday time. if i could sit still enough, you could watch it. you could see it

i'm so big that your "average" overlaps with my "imperceptible". that's a more exciting idea to me than "five and a half kilometers tall", in a vacuum

but i am, of course, five and a half kilometers tall. and that is still pretty damn exciting

one, two, three. one, two three...

i'm more than seven and a half kilometers tall. i've gotten half a kilometer taller 15 times so far this year. there is a reason i'm framing it like this

on a lark i checked the records. 48 hours ago, i was almost exactly seven kilometers tall. just a hair under that (actually, while i wrote this post, i crossed the "reached 7km 48 hours ago" mark. but the idea holds)

so there's an amount of growth that's only happened to me 15 times in the last 125 days, and one of those times happened in the last two days. it'll happen again in the next two days. but it won't, not really; my growth is always accelerating. it's going to be even more than that

this feels like i'm approaching another turning point in my understanding of my own size. i think about myself in kilometers, now. "7500 meters" just isn't my go-to measurement. kilometers is more useful. but now, i'm getting a completely reasonable fraction of a kilometer taller, and it's happening in a completely reasonable amount of time. i can think about half a kilometer, and i can think about two days, and there's intersection there that feels impossible to believe

if this keeps up, am i going to be thinking about kilometers the way i think about meters now?

now that my eyeline is creeping up higher than the peak of mount everest, i guess it's safe to say that i'm the tallest thing on earth, even for some pretty liberal definitions of "thing"

i was hoping that by now i'd be tall enough to be the furthest thing from the center of the earth, but it doesn't quite work out where i am. the earth bulges at the equator enough that up here, relatively far from the widest point, i've got another whole everest before i'm further from the center of the earth than mount chimborazo. oh well. just a matter of time

i guess this means i've outgrown another category. this time it's "thing on planet earth". i'm just... taller than all of those. anything that you'd consider "something on earth" is smaller than me. and i'm just... standing here. i'm not doing anything. i didn't have to be engineered, i'm not the result of planning and research and construction work. i didn't even have to have a spell cast on me, or drink a potion, or make a wish. nothing like that. i'm the tallest thing on earth and the only reason for that is because that's who i am. i am someone who is 9.3 kilometers tall, it's as simple as that

every part of me is already too big to think about. it is a real challenge to find someone to place my paws, somewhere that i can leave a pawprint twice as long as the cn tower is tall and as wide as central park. i freaked out earlier this year about the idea of being a kilometer tall and now my paws are bigger than that. and it's a good thing they are. i have to spread 13 trillion kg of weight over as big a surface as i can manage

i've tried to imagine what i must look like from down there. you'd see something, and you might even know it's my paw, but it wouldn't look like a paw, would it? it would just look like a wall. you may be able to see the top of it curving away a couple hundred meters off the ground, but the length must seem endless. and my legs would be just pillars of fur, unimaginably thick, impossibly high... and unless it was a particularly clear day, that'd be it. you'd see my legs shoot up through the clouds, and that's all you could see

could you even see my furs? they're half a foot wide now, but how close to me is it safe to get? i make slow, deliberate movements. i give plenty of warning. but even when i'm standing still... i'm not, really. i'm still breathing. i can't stop moving entirely. how close to me can people reasonably get?

i've been trying to stay close to the city i grew up in. i still think of it as home. but it's only about 20 kilometers at its widest, barely twice as long as i am lying down. i'm going to outgrow it. not yet. probably not this week, probably not the next. but it really, really won't be that long. how long will i still think of it as home? i haven't been in a city in ages, but they're still spaces to me. small ones, obviously. 4 meter long grey smears on the ground. but they have an area. i can still think of them as places. i could still get myself "inside" one if i was willing to accept the consequences. but only by a factor of 2. once i'm barely more than twice as big as this, i'm not going to fit. and i'm currently more than 185 times taller than i was in december, "twice" is going to happen

hell, i'm reading ahead a bit, but once i get nine times bigger than that i'll have paws bigger than cities. 2, 9, these are not big numbers. i mean, maybe in the context of "getting that much taller" they are, in a vacuum. but i'm 185 times taller than december, and my growth is only speeding up. i'm going to get there, probably sooner than i think. will i still be able to think of a city as my home when it's smaller than my paw? fuck, i already don't even think about houses. i forgot about houses. houses aren't a useful idea to me. the amount of work that has to go into making any building big enough for me to even see it is astronomical, the idea that i'd be inside a building any time soon is so unreasonable that "living inside a building" isn't even something i conceive of anymore. it slipped my mind

some of this stuff is a little scary, the way it's affecting my mind and how i think about the world. but it won't last forever. i'm not going to stay like this. i'm well past any size that i'm willing to stay forever. i miss people, i miss places. i really do. staying even the size i am now, let alone however big i'm going to get, would involve sacrifices i'm not willing to make permanently. eventually i'll talk to people in person again, i'll walk around the city again. and i'm looking forward to it. but in the meantime, while i am making those sacrifices, i'm having a really, really good year

so, i'm more than 20 kilometers tall

actually, i was sick for a while there and didn't really want to devote much of my brainpower to writing one of these up. "more than 20 kilometers tall" has been true for a couple of days. at the moment i'm actually well over 22km tall. but 20km is the nice milestone hehe

in particular 20km is the milestone that i earmarked as "city sized". by that metric, i'm bigger than entire cities now. on one paw that's obviously incredible. like i'm not going to lie to you and say that "i am larger than the city i consider my home" isn't a sentence that shoots lightning up my spine when i say it. you know me better than that

but to an extent it's kind of... not that important, really. because at the end of the day, it's just a number. i decided that 20 kilometers is "city sized" but, says who? what city? i picked that number by eyeballing effective city limits on google maps, just where it looked to me like the border was between the city and the surrounding land. it's one vibes-based measurement in one direction of one city. even if we accept the 20km number as accurate, in what sense am i meaningfully "bigger than a city" at 20km that i wasn't at 19km? as a space it's been comically too small for me to use in any way at all for a long, long time now. sure, if i lay down next to it, head to paw i'm longer, but it's not like i'm going to do that

don't get me wrong. my point isn't that being this big isn't exciting, it's that it's been exciting for a while. i've been enjoying "the size of a city" for longer than the arbitrary number would indicate

it's so much, isn't it? like, i've said it enough times in this post alone that it's easy to build up a tolerance to the words, but i am the size of a city. if you drove at highway speed, no traffic, in a straight line, it'd take you nearly 15 minutes just to travel the distance that i just am. things that are static about me can't be measured in static ways anymore. i'm not as big as any thing. i'm as big as areas, as big as distances, big enough that i have to be measured in verbs

and, of course, the idea that things about me are "static" at all is something of a convenient lie. i haven't stopped growing between experiences. in fact, the other milestone i hit recently is getting one centimeter taller every second. every tick of the clock i get enough taller that you could see it. a centimeter isn't a lot, of course, but neither is a second. there are a whole lot of seconds

maybe it's easier to think in meters. one minute forty seconds to be a full meter taller. not once. growing a meter once in 100 seconds would be absurd for anyone else. it would be terrifying. but it's not happening to me once. every minute and forty seconds, i'm a full meter taller. every three minutes and twenty seconds it's two meters, of course. but "two meters" has a special place in my heart because it's a good approximation for "size of a human". statistically, every three minutes and twenty seconds, i'm getting as tall again as you are. even for those of you it's not true for, it's close

that's really not that much time. but it's really not that much height, either, is it? at my size it's barely anything. small enough that i can't see it happening, i have to feel myself slowly stretch out to know it hasn't stopped. It's small enough that i have to turn to wolfram alpha for metaphors. to me it feels like, apparently, twice the thickness of a human hair. that seems plausible, i suppose

growing by the thickness of hair isn't much, of course. you wouldn't even notice yourself growing a hair taller in a minute and a half, you couldn't measure it. but growing that much every minute and a half would start to add up. to demonstrate that fact, i'm happy to continue acting as a visual aid~