The never ending tumblr “queer is a slur” Discourse has so traumatized me that when I encountered a version in my in-person queer community from someone I think of as a friend who is a lesbian mentor, I had a little breakdown, ranted (as kindly and compassionately and politely as I could) about how queer is an important identity word for me and others and should not be discarded entirely from the community lexicon. And now I’m having a whole Episode of trauma/anxiety response to the Incident and how she doubled down on it and then signed off the chat (in a huff? Just to do something else? No idea) and I am. Not ok about it. It hurts, feels very fucking lonely (nobody else spoke up in support), and I am super fucking anxious that this is going to spawn additional unpleasant conversations. And I am just. So tired.

This kind of thing keeps fucking happening in spaces I think of as “safe” and “mine”. I try to speak up for myself when someone has hurt me, and it blows up in my face and I lose friends and even access to that space (haven’t lost anything from this Incident *yet* but it’s definitely a fear). And I just. Am I wrong? Am I the problem? Am I communicating badly?