I do not want Jughead talking about burgers when people watched episodes for quite a while waiting for him to eat a burger (it's hard to reshoot eating a burger so that's why he was always eating fries)

Fake Jughead (not even talking about this Jughead not being asexual, that's not the actor's fault, I hear he pushed for it)

Is this.... Sugar Sugar by the Archies (sorry I mean Josie and the Pussy Cats)

The Pussycats may need a "Candy Girl"

I need a goddamn soundtrack especially when they start doing musicals

I have never been to a Pep Rally I always assumed they were just school affairs (in like, the auditorium) and that adults didn't come to them

Was I wrong?

(I literally have zero context for this. One of my sort-of friends in high school wanted me to join cheerleading with her, and I was like "uh I'm fat and not acrobatic or flexible I can't do any of that shit" and she was like "no it's fine for wrestling you just sit on the bleachers and clap a lot"

my mother forbade me seemingly worried I would become a Snotty Frigid bitch cheerleader like in one of those old films. So: not kidding when I say I've never been to a Pep Rally. I don't think I even went to any football games in high school but I can't remember)

They are also mad about the Riverdale High School having a lounge

look you just have to accept in the world of riverdale all children are raised on old movies and tv shows and books so they can reference them in high school

Uh EXCUSE YOU subtitles, Archie is clearly the one who said "Previously on Riverdale" this episode, NOT Jughead, Jughead is just doing the ambience narration

I know they make out-of-date references all the time but given our current political climate I do NOT want to hear about "Dating a Kennedy" unless it is is a Crab Rave Date after RFK dies

Gotta say admittedly I have read no Truman Capote or In Cold Blood

but Jughead writing a novel about Jason Blossom's very recent death and murder (that at this point is unsolved) feels like it's in bad taste.

maybe not as bad as the shit Betty's mom is doing at the Riverdale Register but tasteless.

I don't really like true crime podcasts but I also can't cast any stones at people who do, because I have my series of vices (I like hearing about VERY historical murders as in "These people literally physically couldn't be alive today even if they weren't murdered" like Marie Antoinette or the Romanovs or whatever)

Dilton Doiley believes in the right of Riverdale to have a well-trained militia

And is clearly a prepper

Make-up scrutinizing: Sponsored by CoverGirl

(no joke I do believe while this was airing various Riverdale actresses did ads for Covergirl as part of the sponsorship)

Archie Hot Take but I would have asked about the Taste of Riverdale thing BEFORE sneaking out (And getting caught)

I mean I think it would have worked out better

No Josie I do not think the adults are ready to rock Penelope Blossom and Alice Cooper are brawling

Okay Luke Perry I mean Fred Andrews the thing is... I GET what you're saying about Music but even if Archie sucked shit at music let him at least play music in high school

and once again: Football doesn't lead to colleges that leads to business school it leads to Traumatic Brain Injury. Your path isn't very realistic either....

Fred Andrews: What made you take such an interest in my son?
Geraldine Grundy: (don't say his abs don't say his abs).... Archie's a special kid.

Okay Roofieing Chuck + Alcohol + Hot Tub is honestly more a recipe for murdering him not "Truth Serum" afaik but what do I know--- STOP WATERBOARDING CHUCK DARK BETTY

I genuinely do not remember what consequences cutting five football players has for the team that Jughead is alluding to. Maybe the Bulldogs do badly at the footballs for a bit?

I like pointing out that adding the Maple Syrup after 1- trying to boil Chuck 2- after trying to drown Chuck

that adding the maple syrup that will probably wash out relatively easily (in a hot tub) is what crosses the line for Veronica

Once again: Yes it IS a forbidden Romance technically

but Archie is being STATUTORILY RAPED and presumably Groomed!

Like yes I'm sure Betty is hurt by this because she's a teenager who isn't recognizing it for what it is (Because no one EVER recognizes that for boys and I find that REALLY fucked up tbh this is a really good example of how the patriarchy hurts men too) but rn I'm like "Who tf CARES how Betty feels* when it's Archie who is being toyed with even if he doesn't recognize it

• Once again I love Betty as a character and her actress is r good

Okay Veronica I'm no expert (as I haven't been to a drive-in since childhood) but among other things a drive-in theater would have (which I suppose to be fair Netflix and Video on Demand have)

• You don't have to smuggle in snacks, you can just.. have them

• If you're someone who wants to use your phone to live-toot your movie, you can presumably without ruining the experiences of others

I genuinely forgot that "Grundy" had done an independent study with Jason Blossom

you know the thing is I COULD believe Grundy / Gibson was in an abusive marriage but afaik they never you know, go into it. I would love to know tbh!

you know Betty I'm genuinely surprised you don't keep a fake diary that's barely hidden and a real diary hidden much better

I remember loving the Joachin sideplot (specifically Joachin / Kevin) but Kevin has to be kept perpetually miserable for some reason* so of course this ends badly

• I must say it's more, I'm pretty sure the show has had better dealt-with queer relationships, it's more like they have ZERO clue what to do with Kevin except make him sad he's the only gay kid at Riverdale High

honestly might go looking for fanfic of Fred Andrews (Rip Luke Perry 😭 ) being a good dad to Archie and helping him tackle this statutory rape relationship (preferably with therapy).

also I get what Archie is saying (With ellipses! a bad sign) that Betty was trying to help but...

this didn't blow up because Betty was "Trying to help". This blew up because Alice Cooper has no concept of boundaries and reads her daughter's diary (I suppose to be FAIR she did find a poorly-hidden gun in Betty's room. WTF betty? you presumably know your mom does laundry at least hide it under your bed)

I get that Jughead's dad had to take the opportunity (presumably) but I wonder how he feels causing the place where Jughead WAS LIVING (making him effectively homeless) to be torn down in part because of him

Maybe if I'm lucky a future season I haven't watched will address Archie's you know, STATUTORY RAPE BY AN AUTHORITY FIGURE PRETENDING BE MISS GRUNDY????

Look Luke Perry I mean Fred Andrews, I'm not saying you shouldn't pursue this romance (Though you shouldn't Hiram would kill you) but don't ASK HER OUT WHILE SHE'S ON THE CLOCK JFC

No Betty Archie is not "Throwing himself into Football to avoid his feelings", that may BE what it looks like but the people who do this show as far as I can tell (and I do genuinely enjoy this garbage show BUT) not know what to do with men in a plotline.

Like maybe it's the covergirl sponsorship but they're like "We're giving all the most interesting plotlines to the ladies!"

Maybe that is Hashtag Feminism

I mean I'm not gonna lie, Cheryl being a Demon Bitch From Hell* is a really entertaining character trait

• They literally did a comic where she and Jason are like in competition to be the anti-christ. I don't remember how it ended or if it ended maybe it got canceled before it finished

Oscar the college music teacher IS kinda a douche but he probably is in fact correct that Archie needs to learn musical notation, and I say that as someone still trying to get a hang of the bass clef in reading sheet music (it's a work-in-progress)

Well YES Oscar Ms "Grundy" statutorily RAPED Archie.

you're mean about his shitty songs, but at the same time it's kind of good you're saying you're not gonna connect to him in the same way (I don't know if he knows about the "Relationship")

I know this is a weird dinner party and all but this is a weird conceit.

I don't know about y'all but when I talk when I'm literally eating food it's considered a bad thing and gross.

But the actors are like "(Chew Chew) That's where Sweetwater River got its name"

(like I don't think they're actually eating anything I just think it's a weird choice, I get that you can't have veronica hold up her hand to finish chewing and then talk but....... idk)

Okay Cheryl I know you're (at least later) canonically a lesbian but... like you can recognize someone is good looking without it sounding like you want to bone your (Dead) Brother

Hm.

The latin on the Blossom household gate (Thornhill) reads "radices currere abyssi" which according to Deep L means: "The roots run from the abyss"

that sounds morbid!